false alarm. still invincible.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
