it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
