All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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