I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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