Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
