so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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