At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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