white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
