he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Operation Purity has been aborted
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
