Michael Bay diarrhea
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
