we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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