4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
