you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
