when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
