We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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