I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
