just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
