I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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