4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
do herpes really smell.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
