i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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