and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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