he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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