Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
false alarm, still single
Randomize
