There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
