Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
