So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
