Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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