I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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