so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
