It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
