May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize