When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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