God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
