that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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