No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
