Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
