if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
