Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
