So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
