Got a toothbrush?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
