u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize