Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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