u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I need water and some morals
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
