Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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