I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
