Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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