WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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