her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
