I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
