On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
