Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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