I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
