I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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