Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
