I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
