well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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