just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
