Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you had me at cake vodka
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
