Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
