"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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