my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
