K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize