I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
