So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I love having hate sex.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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