Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
