We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
