I wish you could order shots online.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
