Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
