Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
