Sponge bath it is.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hippo gnu deer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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