so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize