you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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