When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Success! We fucked roommates!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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