so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just invented taco cereal.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize