I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
