do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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