new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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