just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
