I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
