I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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