Too much gin, very little bucket
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
