You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
