he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
