Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize