the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
