He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
