how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
