there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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