i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
