so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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