3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
