You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
