the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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