In America we eat man semen.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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