It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
