Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
