Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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