You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
