he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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