Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize