is your mom at the bar?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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