Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
